a look back at our Christmas

 I think this year more than any, I need to look back at these pictures myself to remind me there were some good times in the midst of all the mess of sickness that is still going on.
I won't share the details with you, no one has time for that.
But at this point I feel like I could either write a book detailing our sagas, scream at the top of my lungs or just laugh.  Instead, I've kind of reverted to tears, feeling pretty discouraged.
Praying soooo much that our New Year starts better!

So how about some GOOD memories of the holiday season....

Our Christmas Eve started at Drubers for free donuts and Santa.

 

 Gavin was fearless.  He is our first 2 year old to sit on Santa's lap willingly.

Right about the time he started realizing he was a little nervous, Santa gave him a bag of treats, so he won his heart over.

This was really Mason's first year to sit on his lap willingly too.
He definitely had his nervous-tongue-sticking-out going on.

 Then back to Nana and Papa's for some fun with cousins, presents and chili.  We are normally all together for most of the day until bedtime.  But we cut it all short in hopes to not expose the healthy ones who were heading to Michigan right after Christmas.

Taylor was pretty excited to get a box of sewing supplies and a note telling her that she would get sewing lessons from Nana.  She didn't know at this point that she'd be getting my old sewing machine Christmas morning. 

And then Christmas morning, it was just the 5 of us. My parents have postponed their trip for the first weekend in January when we are hopefully all better.  At this rate, we'll be lucky if we are.

 Mason says his favorite gift of all was the basketball.  Although Dave and I were so excited to give him the KSU helmet and jersey he's been asking for for months.

And Taylor has been sewing up a storm making pockets, pillows and a little purse.  And she joined the Rainbow looming fad as well....so our wrists are all covered with bracelets.

Here's to hoping that the turn of the calendar brings some good health to our family!
And hopefully my kids can enjoy a few good days of break with mommy and daddy both feeling well before they head back to school...
just to bring home more germs.
sigh.....

the day after Christmas

It was far from the picture perfect Christmas.  But you know what?  I think I've learned more this year about what the picture perfect Christmas really looks like than any year in the past.  It's so easy to crowd in so many other things...fun things...good things....but then no room for the right things. 

 

There was a blessing in telling my parents they may not want to come to our germ-infested house.  We all of a sudden didn't have a guest bed to put together, a basement to clean up, a guest bathroom to clean, a yummy Christmas meal to prepare, and extra presents to wrap...all late on Christmas Eve. While we missed them terribly, because they have always spent Christmas morning and day at our house since Taylor was born, there's no way I was capable of properly hosting guests. 

So we woke up Christmas morning, I drug myself out of bed, feeling worse than I had the day before, and made it about 2 hours before heading back to bed.  It was just enough time to get all the presents opened and our pancake birthday party breakfast eaten.  I felt awful going back to bed on Christmas, but they kids were so distracted by their new things, I don't think they cared much.  And it was par for the course.  Dave was in bed all day for Thanksgiving.  So I might as well take my turn on Christmas.   I slept from 9:30-2:30 and then finally made it back to the living room.  

Dave's back at work today, he's getting over the crud he had for the 2nd time.  Gavin has a fever and is wanting to be held today.  And the big kids are hacking up their lungs but entertaining themselves fairly well with their new things.  

Just like that Christmas came...and went. 

And isn't it true that the day after Christmas feels so different than the days before?

I read this from Ann Voskamp this morning...I seriously have felt like she has a camera hidden in our house the last few weeks and has been creating posts just for me....

"Hey Soul? Yeah, it was far from perfect & the house is a bit of a mess & the world doesn't seem to have quite the same sparkle today....
It may be Boxing Day, but don't let anything ever come box up the wonder that God. Is. With. Us.
He entered the world right at a muck pile -- so I wouldn't ever be left alone in mine.
Whatever mess I am in... I can exhale relief: I have a Messiah who meets me in it, won't leave me in it, will carry me through it. There is nothing to fear: God. is. Here.
Christmas -- Christ. with. Me. -- is just beginning -

-- the greatest gift that always fits, that never goes out of style, never wears out or breaks down or ever, ever fails. That's why you get to re-joy-ce and re-joy-ce now, always." 

Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9  

Christmas comes at the end of the year...at the time we all seem to be putting closure on another year gone by.  It ends a bright and cheery season that brought such joy and fun, and giving, and sparkle.  And the day after just seems kind of dim and dull.  But Ann's reminder is that this is just the beginning.  When we see past the baby, and see to the cross...we realize that Christmas was the beginning of God's great rescue plan.  The beginning of the greatest love story this world has ever known.  At Christmas we focus so hard on his coming...do we forget about his staying?   Because of Christmas, we have a God who is with us always.  He came into the world in the middle of dirt and hay and filth, to remind me that he is with me in my dirty places too.  Whether it's the discouragement of a sick family, the pity party I want to throw (and have been throwing), or the short temper and lack of patience and yelling, the disaster of a house that leaves my mind and emotions hay-wire, the to-do list that I can't ever seem to get control over, or the fear of the unknown for a niece about to battle for her life ...because he came down, He is with me, RIGHT beside me, through all of this.  Even the stuff that I seem to think isn't a big deal...my daily routines, my schedule, caring for my children and husband...these things that so many times I try to do on my own...I love this reminder that He is with me through all of this.  Life is honestly just too hard to do alone.  (I heard your AMEN to that!)  I love the way the Lord works in "themes" in my life sometimes.  And lately it's been the Gospel.  The Gospel isn't just for non-Christians.  It's for all of us, every day.  When we truly live out the Gospel and allow it to change our hearts and our lives, our way of living changes. Our imperfections are met with his love and grace.  Our way of parenting changes, the way we do friendships changes, the way we do marriage changes, the way we go through our days changes, and the way do Christmas changes. I love that the Lord is taking me back to the heart of the Gospel lately...showing me how I need it desperately in every single one of my days. 

"The babe who lies in a wooden manager, came to lie on a cross...to heal all wounds. If there is no cross in my Christmas, then my Christmas has lost Christ..."  - Ann Voskamp

And while our Christmas was FAR from sparkly.  I'm reminded that regardless of whether Christmas is picture perfect or a perfectly awful mess...it really doesn't change anything.   Christmas brings hope and light to a dark and messy world.   The world around us may view this day after Christmas as dull and dim and less sparkly. A day to get back to work and routine.  Everything gets boxed up and the store shelves are filled quickly with Valentine's Day items.  But really this day should be full of light and hope.  He was born so he could die.  He died so we could live.  And when we fully trust and accept that gift...our lives are filled with that sparkle of hope all the time.  Especially the day after Christmas.  

*advent wreath made by Ann Voskamp's son, bought at www.joywares.com 

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas is far from the usual.

Dave's brother and family couldn't make the trip like they do every year to all be together for Christmas.  Sydney can't be that far away from home and probably isn't feeling up to it much anyway. 

We were hoping to make it there before she goes in for her bone marrow transplant (2 perfect matches were found by the way!) on Janary 6.   But wouldn't ya know, after someone being constantly sick for 6 weeks straight, we got a week break and then it's all started again.  So coughs, runny noses, fevers and more yucky viral stuff is keeping us home. 

And it's also keeping my parents from coming to our house.  No one wants to be around the sickies.

It's all a little discouraging.  But we're trying to find the joy in it.  

While our day with Dave's family was shortened quite a bit to avoid being around each other for too long, we did still get to celebrate with them, which almost didn't happen at all.  We still started our morning out at Drubers, even if it was just us and not our usual 3 table crowd.   This afternoon we put Gavin down for nap, and then Dave and I, and the big kids snuck away for the 2pm Christmas Eve service at our church that we've never made it to before because we usually go to Dave's parents' church service.  The 2pm service was small.  It was quiet and peaceful.  The exact intimacy I was looking for in the midst of all the other stuff going on. 

It was such a wonderful time to stop and refocus my heart and worship.

Tomorrow we'll find the blessings in our very first Christmas Day just the 5 of us. We'll do Christmas with my parents as soon as we are all better.  At this rate, that may be April. 

While this Christmas looks a lot different to us than any other in the past, the celebration itself doesn't change. 

Love came down at Christmas.  To a stable, one of the lowliest places on earth.  To the darkness and emptiness of this world.  To let it be known that He is with us.  Immanuel.  God with us.  He is with us in our trials, in our days, in our nights, in our darkness, in our triumphs. He is not a God who governs from afar.  He is with us.  He came down to restore our brokeness, and the hopelessness...and bring us back to Him.  To offer us a gift that would secure our place in heaven for eternity.  While, yes Christmas is about The Baby...I pray that you can see past the baby...to the cross.  That rugged cross that was your cross too.  That's why He he came down. 

To dwell among us and prove to us the depths of his love.

Merry Christmas to you!

Love,  the Balzers

 

 

Gavin's Construction Truck Party!

(sorry if you've been trying to read my latest post that was blank, I didn't even realize it had posted until someone told me - thanks Melissa!)

Our baby is 2.  He turned 2 on Thanksgiving day.  I figured I should get this posted before Christmas gets here.
 He loves tractors and dump trucks and bulldozers.  When he sees them he says "Dada" every time.  Even though Daddy doesn't really drive these big things, he still seems to know it's the same kind of work many times that Daddy does.  So a construction truck party it had to be.

This is our first child with a birthday near the holidays and just 2 years in, I'm realizing how difficult this can be.  Energy is a bit lower than usual when I'm preparing the house to host Thanksgiving and all the food that goes into that.  But of all the holidays to be around, at least Thanksgiving changes dates every year and he will not always be right near it.  This year he turned 2 on Thanksgiving Day.  We did the party the night before.  And let me just tell you...decorating with caution tape is probably the easiest party decoration ever! We had it across all the doors plus a sign on the front door that said "CAUTION: 2 year old ahead".  Add in balloons and streamers and we had a bunch of super simple things that really made it look festive.

Seriously this kid was the most excited about his party as any of our kids have ever been.  Taylor and Mason weren't nearly as animated, excited, or proud about their party as this little guy was.
It made it super fun!

He took people by the hand and walked them over to the table to see his cake.  He was pretty excited about the rocks and trucks.

And he loved his gifts and was by far our most fun 2 year old to open gifts and be excited about them.  He got his very own backpack, thanks Aunt Rebekah!  So we can finally say goodbye to the diaper bag.  Plus he is SOOO proud to have a backpack like his brother and sister.
He got a Mickey couch from Nana and Papa, a suitcase from Mom and Dad, a cattle truck and cows, a sled, and a construction worker dress up costume.

It's hard to believe he turned 2 almost a month ago.  We're already almost a month into year 3, and it already seems to be racing by.

We are so thankful for this fun little guy.  He cracks us up and exhausts us every day.  He has facial expressions like NOTHING our other kids had.  He loves to wrestle his daddy and brother and play basketball and football in the house with them also.  He still wants to be rocked before bed making him our longest rocked baby.  He loves to throw things (much of what he's not supposed to throw) and loves to play in the sink (and leave the water running and flooding the entire bathroom and destroying part of the basement ceiling), he loves to put things in the toilet and flush it really fast before I can get there.  And has now cost us a new toilet.  He loves to sing, his favorite song is anything about Jesus.  Or just Jesus's name over and over again to whatever tune he chooses.  He still naps 2-3 hours every afternoon.  He drinks goat milk and can't eat eggs, nuts, dairy...and we ALMOST thought wheat too...but I think we're safe there.  Thank goodness!  He wakes up grumpy and loves to watch Barney. He's done sitting in highchairs and booster seats, and really just won't sit still at all to eat, EVER.  He is finally starting to say more words, but still will not SAY "thank you", it is the one thing that he only hums...."mmm, mmm".    He says "Yes Mom" and "Yes Dad" in the cutest possible way EVER.  We have fun making him repeat those two.  And he's our earliest riser...many times up long before Dave or I need to be up.  Did I mention he's our most exhausting kiddo?  But I promise I wouldn't trade him for anything...even if some days I get close.

We're excited to see what year 3 brings him...it always seemed to be such a huge year...leaving all the "baby" behind.
sniff....sniff.

SATURDAY IS COMING!!!!

Quite simply I have been blown away at the support that friends and strangers alike are showing us to get the word out about the bone marrow drives in Newton and Wichita.  I have been left speechless and tears in my eyes many times in the last two weeks.

Saturday is the big day here in Newton.  Are you coming???  Have you told your friends??

 

Here's what you can expect when you show up at either drive.  There is no need to do anything in advance, and we promise there will be no drilling for bone marrow!!!

 

In addition to these 2 community wide drives, we have had people step up and take the lead for bone marrow drives and swab parties all over the place.  

Here was a post of mine from Facebook a few days ago...

I am SPEECHLESS!!! A friend of a friend answered the call when asked who had connections at colleges...she is RUNNING with this and doesn't even know us!! And several other friends of ours at K-State and in Manhattan have stepped up and wanted to help too! If you know ANYONE at K-State share this!!! There is a drive NEXT THURSDAY, NOV. 21st going on there for ANYONE and EVERYONE to get swabbed!!! Tell everyone you know who is there!! Thank you Morganne Wiltse (and our other friends helping there), Kansas State University, and the Greek community, from the bottom of our hearts from the entire Balzer Family, for rallying behind us as fellow Wildcats and proving that K-State really is ONE BIG FAMILY!!!

Check out this flier they had made...

In addition we have friends doing a drive at Tabor, possibly being opened up to the entire Hillsboro community....and Hesston College.....and more!!

We are so grateful!  And humbled.  So many friends who aren't organizing drives themselves are posting fliers, sharing anything and everything they can on FB, writing blog posts, calling banks and schools, and organizations and news stations...pretty much doing everything they can to help us educate the masses and get people added to the national bone marrow registry, in hopes that ONE of them (and hopefully a backup too) is Sydney's match!

 Words don't really express our gratitude.  And I know that Sydney's parents feel the same way. 

Today this picture was posted on the Team Sydney Facebook page.  It brought tears to my eyes.  That is Sydney's best friend, Ruthie.  She and her family were on Sydney's Celebration Cruise this past summer.  We watched them dance and twirl and laugh at the private party we had...you could see the sparkle in their eyes...they had many many years of fun ahead of them after that first victory over Leukemia. 

And here she is....just a few months after that celebration cruise.  Sitting at the bedside of her best friend.  Laughing and just being normal 9 year old girls.  9 year old girls who have had to live the reality of cancer.

The last thing I'll leave you with today is a beautiful write-up of Sydney's journey through Leukemia.

Click here.

A reminder of all that God has brought our sweet niece through.   

 Isaiah 43:2 says,

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
    and the flame shall not consume you.

  

I used this to pray many many many times through her first fight, and we continue to pray it now...

pleading with the Lord to allow Sydney to walk through this fire without a burn mark on her body and not even a trace of smoke in her hair.

 

the search for Sydney's hero

I haven't posted much here about our niece lately.  If you're friends with me on Facebook, or follow Sydney's story on CaringBridge you probably know way more. I first posted about her relapse with Leukemia on Wednesday, Sept. 4, 2013, so let me give you a recap so I can bring you up to date on where we are now.

 

(Sydney is on the far right, age 7 at the time, picture taken in 2011 during her first fight of Leukemia)

Praise the Lord that day 36 brought the news of remission once again!  Such an answer to prayers!  But regardless, doctors think that a bone marrow transplant is Sydney's best chance to a cancer free life.  The fact that the Leukemia came back, means it could continue coming back without this transplant.  If she continued to relapse she could reach a point that some of the chemo drugs would no longer be effective and eventually no treatment at all could help her.  So a bone marrow transplant is in the works!  But that means she needs a donor match.  Her 12 year old brother, Jeremy, was the best chance for a match (and even he had just a 30% chance of being a match).  We prayed and prayed that he would be her match and could be the donor that saved her life.  But God's plan is different than that, and we know His plan is always good.  He was not his sister's match. 

So that means someone else out there is.  The doctors have turned to the national bone marrow registry and have pulled up 20 live donors who are an initial match.  20!??!?  Can you imagine the life of your child in the hands of 20 strangers...who still have to contacted, still have to agree to further testing, and they still have to end up an exact match.  Right now those 20 are just matching Sydney's initial criteria.  So the search is on.  And in the mean time, many of Sydney's family and friends are rallying behind them to get as many more names on that registry list as possible!  The National Bone Marrow Registry isn't something that is widely known. I had never myself even really known about it until now.  But there are so many other people besides Sydney waiting for a bone marrow donor to surface in order to give them their life back.  

So that brings us to where we are today.  There are big and small bone marrow drives happening all over the place in honor of Sydney...Kansas City, Michigan, California, Newton, Wichita and other places.  The goal is simple...the more people we can get added to this registry, the better chances that one of them will be Sydney's match.  It is crazy to me to sit here and think that I could be her match, that one of my friends could be her match, or that someone that walks through our community bone marrow drive could be it.  So the ultimate goal is personal to us...to find our niece's hero.  But it goes past Sydney.  And maybe that's why the Lord chose for Jeremy not to be her match.  Because now, through all of these drives...many many names are being added that can potentially save many other lives besides Sydney's.  

So how can you help?  

Join the registry to be a bone marrow donor:
If you're local, mark your calendar for one of the following bone marrow drives:

Newton:
Saturday, November 16
9:00 AM – 6:00 PM
Koerner Heights Church
320 N Meridian Street, Newton, KS

Wichita:
Tuesday, November 19
10:00 AM – 7:00 PM
Asbury Church 
2801 W 15th Street, Wichita, KS

What do I have to do to get on the registry?
It's pretty straightforward and easy. In order to join the registry all you need to do come to one of the local drives and fill out an information/consent form and swab the inside of your cheeks to collect cells for tissue typing - it shouldn't take more than 10 minutes. Donors must be between the ages of 18 and 55, must meet the medical eligibility guidelines and be willing donate to any patient in need. As a DKMS donor, your tissue type, along with your ID# is stored anonymously on the Be The Match Registry® (operated by the NMDP). The registry is searched by doctors trying to find matches for their patients. If a doctor selects you as a match for a patient, you may be asked to donate stem cells collected from your circulating blood (called PBSC donation) or to donate bone marrow collected from your pelvic bone (not the spine). All ethnicities are needed.

Help us spread the word:
Tell your friends, coworkers, family, church, everyone! about Sydney, and the hunt for her donor match.  Help us make people aware of the bone marrow registry and get people to the drives!

 
I know you may have so many questions, so hopefully this information helps:

What is a bone marrow transplant?
A bone marrow transplant is a lifesaving treatment for people with leukemia, lymphoma and many other diseases. First, patients undergo chemotherapy and sometimes radiation to destroy their diseased marrow. Then a donor's healthy blood-forming stem cells are transfused directly into the patient's bloodstream, where they can begin to function and multiply. For a patient's body to accept these healthy cells, the patient needs a donor who is a close match. Seventy percent of patients cannot find a matching donor within their family and depend on the national registry to find an unrelated bone marrow donor.


What makes a person eligible to donate?
Donors needs to be between the ages of 18-55, weigh more than 110 lbs and be in good health. There is a top weight requirement, too..for example at 5'4" you must be under 233 lbs.

You are NOT eligible if you have:
HIV
Hepatitis B or C
Kidney or liver disease
Chronic or severe neck or back problems
Epileptic or other seizure within past year
Diabetes that requires medication
Sleep apnea, breathing problems or severe asthma (daily inhalers are acceptable)
Autoimmune disorders such as lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, multiple sclerosis or fibromyalgia

Or a history of:
heart disease/surgery
strokes, including TIA
blood clotting or bleeding disorders
cancer, with the exclusion of melanoma, breast, bladder, cervical (stage O, in situ) and cured localized skin cancers such as basal cell or squamous cell    

What is the donation process like?

There are two ways to donate. The majority of donations do not involve surgery.  You may either be asked to donate stem peripheral blood stem cells or bone marrow.  For the bone marrow dontation, liquid marrow is collected from the backside of the pelvic bone (not the spine) using a special syringe. Donors receive general anesthesia so no pain is experienced during the marrow extraction. This is a 1-2 hour, outpatient, surgical procedure. Many donors experience some pain, bruising and stiffness for up to two weeks after their donation. Within a week of donating, most donors are able to return to work, school and many regular activities. Though no medical procedure is without risk, there are rarely any long-term effects from donating. Only five percent or less of a donor’s marrow is needed for transplantation and will completely replenish within a few weeks, so you can save a life without giving up anything permanently.

The method used for donation depends upon the patient’s needs and is determined by the patient’s doctor. Registered donors must be willing to donate using either method.

Here's a testimony from a donor just this past week in Michigan...

 

What is my commitment if I join?

When you register as a bone marrow donor with DKMS, you make a commitment to:

• Be listed on the Be The Match Registry® until your 61st birthday, unless you ask to be removed
• Donate to any searching patient who matches you
• Keep us updated if your address changes, you have significant health changes or you change your mind about being a donor
• Respond quickly if you are contacted as a potential match for a patient.
• You have the right to change your mind about being a donor at any time. Should this happen, you must notify us immediately so we can remove your information from the registry. It is devastating to patients and their families should you wait to back out after you are a match.

 Is there a cost to register as a bone marrow donor or to donate?

There is no cost to the donor to register or donate. Costs will be covered by the patient’s insurance, or by the National Marrow Donor Program which operates the Be The Match Registry® or by DKMS. This includes costs for travel, meals, lodging or other necessary expenses. A donor’s insurance will never be used. 

I am not eligible to be a bone marrow donor...what can I do?
Everyone can make a donation to Delete Blood Cancer. This non-profit organization is making our drive possible. Their goal is to fight blood cancer by building the national registry. They don't require donors to contribute, but each swab costs $65 for Delete Blood Cancer to process. 100% of your donation is directed towards those costs. You can make your tax-deductible donation by clicking on the link below. http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/teamsydney1/teamsydneyfundraisingpage

 If you aren't local and can't make it to one of our drives, there is more you can do...

1. Host your own drive or "swab party" (Reference Sydney Balzer)  This could be as simple as having an evening that you invite your friends and family over to your house, or have swabs in the workroom at your workplace.  Just go to www.deletebloodcancer.org and click on Organize a Drive/Host a Swab Party and you'll fill out the email!

2. Go on the DKMS website (www.deletebloodcancer.org) and have a kit sent to your house and swb yourself!

 3. Donate (Team Sydney Fundraising Page -http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/teamsydney1/teamsydneyfundraisingpage)

Check out the news story that Sydney's local news station did on her.

And if you want to continue following Sydney's journey closely...here are the 2 best ways...
Sydney’s Page on CaringBridge.org
Team Sydney Facebook Page which is maintained by a community of families who are devoted to helping Sydney Balzer conquer cancer. Here you’ll find plenty of more information about Sydney, becoming a bone marrow donor, and plenty of love and support.

And now we wait.  We wait to see the outcomes of these drives.  We wait and see if Sydney's hero is found.  And we rest in knowing that God knows all the outcomes already.  There is nothing else worth putting our hope in...not people, not statistics, not medicine...just Him.

 
“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait?
    My hope is in you."
Psalm 39:7

*all information gathered from www.deletebloodcancer.org