His goodness

"Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him."

(Psalm 37:3-5, 7)

Patience is hard.  But patience is what is being required more of me right now than possibly ever before in my life.

How do you respond when things aren't happening the way you think they should? Or when life brings disappointments?  It's so easy to get caught up in anxiety, worries, and sadness.  I will be honest and admit I have spent MANY hours, and probably some full days, throwing myself a pity-party lately because I'm not able to control things around me.  In the end, I get no where.  But despite my big temper-tantrum sessions, I'm thankful that God has been trying to get my attention.  And I choose to believe that he will take whatever measures he feels neccessary to do that.  

(enjoy the pictures that have nothing to do with my post)

God is teaching me some big lessons right now. And re-working some of the ways of thinking and understanding that I've had about him for much of my life.  I am coming to a new realization at this point in my life, that the root of many of my problems is my distorted view of God.  I'm thankful for these lessons - because it wasn't till recently that I really even realized I didn't know God as he truly is.  My past plays a huge part in this.  And I will not blame anyone but myself and my own understanding.  For years, to me, being a Christian was more about a set of rules and do's and don'ts, than it was about a God who unconditionally and unimaginably loved me and wanted all the best for me.  For these reasons, I had come to intuitively believe that God is always down on me.  To be completely honest, I've probably viewed God more like a menacing policeman or an angry parent than a loving and gracious father who takes pleasure in my happiness.  PIVOTAL MOMENT.

When things in my life are going bad - I catch myself wondering what I've done to deserve it?  What is he waiting for me to do better?  Maybe I should clean up my act.  Maybe I should be in God's Word more.  Maybe I should get rid of some of my bad habits and sinful attitudes.  But yet, I also wouldn't say that I feel like all the great things in my life that I have are because I have deserved them.  Because that's absurd, of course I don't deserve them.  Altogether - my way of thinking was not coming together, there were some major holes!!!

What I was missing is that in all reality there is NOTHING I can do to deserve God's blessings. I am full of sin.  And I had to be saved by his own son's blood to even have a purpose and hope for my life.  My heart, mind, actions and words can be awful, awful, awful.  And yet - God has chosen to bless me and my family in so many ways.  I am completely undeserving.  He has ALWAYS been faithful.  So when things aren't going my way - how I can doubt his faithfulness?  Why would he stop now?  God is good.  Anything other than good is not in his nature.

God's goodness...something I've never truly understood, or even taken time to learn about.  I act like I understand it sometimes.  I've used the words "God is so good".  My head knows that God is good.  I've seen examples of it. But my heart hasn't fully chosen to believe it.  I haven't allowed myself to completely trust God. 

God is good.  I'm trying to learn what that means.  And so far God is showing me some AMAZING new lessons...

God is good. He has good plans for me and he is on my side.  His purpose is not to ignore or crush my desires, but to fulfill them far beyond what I could imagine.  This is exactly what I need - THIS is what wipes out much of my old perceptions of God. Even though I am full of sin, even though I need to be in his Word more, and change so many of my habits and attitudes, even though I mess up all the time and don't follow the rules like I should  - he doesn't hold grudges and he doesn't sit in heaven looking down on me with crossed arms.  He is not the cosmic policeman waiting to point out all my offenses. 

God is good.  God has always been and will always be faithful to reveal himself to me even if I don't recognize it.  It's so easy to fall into the trap of taking for granted the order and beauty of the world we live in.  I often ignore the beauty in nature and the changing seasons, and life in general, as evidence of his goodness.  But then a hurricane hits New Orleans, or a tornado takes out an entire community, or an earthquake and tsunami hit Japan.  I can't think of a better reminder that allows us to realize God's amazing constancy in spite of a fallen and dysfuntional world.  These disasters are horrific and it feels like they happen all too often.  When in all reality, it's scary to think about how often they could happen without his constant provision. 

God is good.  And when I choose to focus on the relatively few difficult circumstances of my life, I tend to forget his repeated, loving acts of deliverance that occur so regularly.  I have had a warped view of God.  And I will never recognize God's goodness as long as I am convinced he has other intentions than my welfare. 

"God isn't good because he does good things for us.  And God isn't good because of something in us.  God is good because of something in him.  He can be nothing else.  Both God and his choices remain good even when they may not feel or look particularly good to you." 

-Chip Ingram,  God: As He Longs For You to See Him

God's good plans don't always look like my good plans.  I may think I know what's good.  But he really knows what's good.  He is an eternal God with an eternal plan.  And he doesn't always choose to work things out on this side of heaven, nor work things out to my own understanding.  This is where trust comes in.  I have to choose to trust that his plans are the best plans for me, even when they are not the plans I have for myself or my family.  Which brings me to the beginning. 

I can choose to be consumed and depressed when things in my life aren't so great, and aren't going the way I think they should.  But if I have an accurate view of God, and I understand that he's all-knowing, all-seeing, all-powerful and thoroughly good, then I know that he is FOR ME.  And when difficulties in life arise, instead of choosing to be uptight and anxious, being stressed, depressed or throwing tantrums, I want to strive for peace that surpasses understanding.

A good chunk of what I'm learning has come from this book by Chip Ingram. A friend loaned it to me, and it came at the PERFECT time.  I am so anxious for each chapter and the opportunity to focus on the different aspects of God's character, in order to know him more. 

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?"

Romans 8:32

Jess Mac shared this song a few days ago on her blog.  You can read her encouraging post here.
I listened and cried.  And then couldn't stop listening to it.



In all reality, the situations in my life right now are nothing compared to what they could be. But I am thankful that God is using this time to teach me some lessons - so that I can be prepared later.

In this season of waiting...God is renewing my mind giving me peace like never before.