it's time.

 

I figured this day was coming...

I have watched the numbers on the scale going bigger and bigger and bigger. And have done nothing about it for years.  As in virtually NOTHING. Except eat lots of really yummy food. But in all reality as SHOCKED as I pretended to be at the scale's truth.  It makes total sense.

Other than a great exercise spurt I had before our cruise 3 years ago, I really haven't worked out well since college.  So we're talking 10 years here folks.  10 years of SUPER bad habits. 

And after thinking it over for a few weeks now, I decided I'd expose myself and my bad habits and share some of my goals. Mostly to keep myself accountable.  I feel super vulnerable telling anyone about "being on a diet" or "trying to lose weight" because I fear that I'll go under a microscope of people watching to see how I do.  And what if I don't have any success??  That would be a total bummer.  But oh well, win or lose, if I share my plan here - I'm certain there will be times I stick with it only because I know that I told people.  So here goes...I'll share my super awful bad habits with you first. 

1. Pepsi.  It's a huge habit.  I love it way too much.  If we buy it, I for SURE have one a day.  Sometimes 2, and on the rare occasion maybe 3??   I have wondered MANY times how much healthier or "skinnier" I could be if I didn't drink so much pop - but I never care too much to stop.

2. French Vanilla Cappuchino.  I'm not a coffee drinker...yet.  I feel like I'm getting closer though. But I do still have to have my morning cup of this yumminess.  It's just a mix that I put with hot water.  But it's so full of calories. 

3. But let's talk about what else I drink....oh yeah, nothing.  I don't drink water, don't like milk.  And on the rare rare occasion I'd have a glass of OJ in the mornings.  So it was very common to end my day with the only fluids going into my body being cappuchino and pepsi. That sounds so lovely doesn't it?

4. Now let me share my eating habits.  They are just as bad. Maybe worse.

I hardly ever eat breakfast.  If I do, I grab a bagel, but that's about it.  But most days I pretty much each nothing for breakfast.  Except my cappuchino. 

For lunch...maybe I eat, maybe I don't.  It depends on what we have in the house, or what is going on with the kids. Sometimes it's enough work to feed 3 other mouths, that I just don't have the time nor energy left to feed myself.  I'll eat some mac and cheese if I make it for them. Or maybe make plate of nachos or leftovers if we have them.  But it's probably 50-50 on whether I eat lunch at all. 

So we approach dinner time and many many days I have yet to really eaten anything all day.  So you can only imagine how big I eat for dinner.  And then on into the night hours.  I am ALWAYS hunger a few hours after dinner and am the worst late night snacker.  Chocolate chip cookie dough, brownies, nachos, ice cream, and maybe a pepsi.  So basically almost all of my calories are consumed after 6pm.  Going to bed hungry is no fun at all. So I just never do it.

Put all of this on repeat for months and months, actually...probably years.

So you are probably agreeing with me (or maybe cringing and screaming inside) that changes needed

to be made. They've needed to be made for a long time, but I guess I had to get to a point that I really had the desire and motivation.

So here's my plan of action (I'm in my 2nd week):

1. Don't buy Pepsi.  None.  It  cannot be at our house at all.  I have to go cold-turkey or I can't knock it. 

2. Drink water, all day long.  I've been keeping my water bottle full and by me as much as I can.  I still drink my morning cup of cappuchino.  But I've finished up week 2 of no Pepsi (only one cheat in there) And I don't even crave it.  This is huge people.  At our house, if we are out of Pepsi and crave it - late night trips to the store or gas station are made. 

3.  Eat 4-5 small meals a day.  This is major steps for a person who was pretty much just eating dinner and night snacks.

4.  No carbs after 4pm.  This is crazy hard for me.  After 4 is when I'm used to eating.  And I do not think about carbs when cooking for my family.  We eat a lot of pasta meals.  And at this point I am not at a point where I want to be changing up our entire meal plans and experimenting with all new recipes for my family.  So I am still cooking the same for them.  But most of the time I'm eating something different.

5.  Start working out regularly.  For the first time since college I have a gym membership.  I'm going almost every day.  Thanks to my sweet hubby who is making that so easy for me to break away for an hour or so.

 

What I've noticed so far:
 

1. I don't crave sweet snacks at night like I used to.  I've read that if you are eating more protein for breakfast and throughout your day, you will crave less sweets.

2. I love going to workout. I don't love when I'm on the treadmill doing intervals.  But overall I love that I am FINALLY doing this for ME. And I always feel great afterwards.

3. I am not a very adventurous (or knowledgeable) health food eater.  So I don't have a ton of variety in what I'm eating.  I'm scared of getting bored too fast with it all, but my sister has been helping me a ton. 

4. It is SUPER SUPER hard to say no to yummy baked ziti and cheese garlic bread sitting on the counter at dinner time.  But I did it.  I cooked myself a chicken breast.  I have NEVER been disciplined when it comes to food - so these are leaps and bounds for me people!  Even my husband has been quite shocked at my discipline lately.  That is just one of the many yummy meals I have cooked but not eaten.  Last night it was waffles, hash browns and bacon.  Ugh. I had a few pieces of bacon and then left for the gym.

5. Sometimes cheating is worth it.  Like when I'm up late trying to finish taxes, after working on them nearly all day.  Pepsi and chocolate covered almonds may have set me back- but it was worth it, and gave me the last push I needed to finish up. 

6. I have been warned (although the warning came too late) to NOT get on the scale.  My little sister, who is so great with health and fitness, has been lots of help to me as I try to get a new plan going for myself. My text to her one day was this:

   "if this scale doesn't show a decrease even by ONE pound really soon, then I'm done!!!"

So she warned me that it will take awhile before the scale does what I want it to, and just like so many other people, it will discourage me and make me quit all that I'm doing.  So I'm going to try to follow this rule.  Or maybe I just need to have Dave hide it.

 

 

I get overwhelmed by a lot of the eating plans out there right now, and even all the workout plans.  There are so many different opinions and methods. And so many of them I just look at and think "no way can I do that!"  So I'm still figuring everything out and even trying to figure out what I'm willing to do.  I have always been so stubborn with my food...I love food way too much. I love to eat out, I love chicken fried steaks and mashed potatoes and gravy, and batches of chocolate chip cookies, and pasta.  But....I also love to look in the mirror without wanting to hurl.

I sometimes feel like I am surrounded by moms who pop babies out and in no time at all are back to their pre-baby size. Sometimes even smaller than they were before kids. Blah!

 Or at least somehow LOOK like they are, flat tummies, skinny legs and all. I am not one of those. The pounds have slowly and surely been packed on over the past several years.

After my pity party, I try to convince myself that they are probably making way better choices than I am, and probably working to get there, and that there's no way they just get there by doing nothing (I'll pretend anyway). So it comes down to my choices and what I'm willing to do. 

Caring about it is the first step.  I got that one covered.  It just took me awhile to get there.
But now it becomes more about my commitment. What I'm willing to give up and what I'm not willing to give up.  And how disciplined I can be.  That's the hard part.

I keep telling myself it will be worth it.

If you see me at the gym, looking a little lost.  It's because I am.  The first few times I was so nervous, I hated thinking that people were watching me as I had no clue what I was doing.  But I'm getting better at pretending to look like I know what I'm doing.  And no one knows I'm texting my sister saying "what do I do now?".... "I did this....is that good?"....."how do you do THAT?"
Thanks sis for all the help!  I promise not to get on the scale and get mad and quit.
(maybe).