a summer reflection

Ahhhhh, this picture just says peace.  It was taken in May.  And I feel like it's been that long since we've had a peaceful moment like this.

 

 

Taylor was so excited to bring her bible home for the summer and was determined to make it through the Gospels like her principal challenged them to do.  I'll just be completely honest with you...there hasn't been much Gospel reading this summer. 

 

 

 But it was nice to go back and look at these pictures.  I remember going out to snap pictures of her, and the boys playing. They were all doing their own thing.  Everyone was content. It was a near perfect scene.  Summer had just begun and we were so ready for a nice relaxing schedule. We were ready to sleep in and play and stay up late and be outside all day. 

 

 

And then Summer happened.

 

But if I stare at these pictures long enough the peace and unity and happy and content hearts will all come back right?

 

I remember when a certain baby was happy to run and play outside with his big brother and sister, and everyone got along so good.

 

I remember when I could sit and eat breakfast and load the dishwasher and put a load of laundry in, and everyone did okay while I was occupied.

 

 

May was only 2 months ago, but it seems like forever ago when I think about how different things are around here.  Isn't it funny how with little ones (probably big ones too), you can move from stage to stage so quickly.  Just when things are going good and you feel like you are moving in the right direction, life throws me into a 180 degree turn and we head in the opposite direction.

 

Man, I sound like we've had an awful summer.  HELLO!??!  Disney World, a Caribbean Cruise - not awful one bit!  AMAZINGLY AWESOME!

What I am saying is that where we stand today, is a totally different place we were at 2 months ago. And while I wouldn't give up ANY of the memories we made this summer, I do wish it was much easier than it is to bounce back to normal routines and behaviors.

 

There's no way it could be contributed to the fact that we came home from one vacation and left 2 weeks later for another, right?

Or the fact that Gavin was away from his family for half of the month, and then 5 more days on top of that, away from Mommy.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that we are all exhausted and recovering.  Or maybe that's just me.

 

The baby I had back in May didn't climb out of his crib and bang on his bedroom door as hard as he can while screaming at the top of his lungs for me.

The big kids I had back in May started their summer off so well with chores every morning, daily reading and bible time.

The mommy back in May was THRILLED to have her kids home for the summer.

 

The baby I had back in May didn't yell at me all day long and insist I hold him, carry him, hold his hand, and not leave the room to eat, go to the bathroom or retrieve anything.

The big kids I had back in May weren't bored yet.

The mommy back in May didn't lose her patience and yell so much.

 

The baby I had back in May didn't wake up at 6:30am and was still taking naps twice a day.

The big kids I had back in May weren't so mouthy and argumentative, and obeyed much quicker.

The mommy back in May wasn't dreaming of an entire weekend ALONE, in a hotel room.

 

 

I don't think it's a coincidence that one of our favorite songs around here is this one right now.

 The kids play it on my phone, on the iPad, we hear it on Pandora, in the car, one of them is always listening to it on their mp3 players, and multiple times a day someone in the family is singing it aloud to themselves.

 

Lord, I come, I confess,

bowing here, I find my rest.

 

Rest.  I feel like I'm soooo stuck on how tired I am, how drained I am, me, me, me, that it's easy to forget that I need to find my rest in Him.

 

Without you, I fall apart

You're the one that guides my heart

 

I'm definitely falling apart.  I am worn out, my patience has run dry.

I'm short with my kids and my husband. 

My time with the Lord has been lacking ever since we left for the first vacation.

Why do I forget so quickly that I can't do this alone. He will give me grace all along the way, and He will change me when I think I'm unchangeable...if I just stay near.

 

Lord I need you, Oh, I need you

Every hour I need you

My one defense

My righteousness

Oh God, how I need you.

 

Every hour. Sometimes every minute. He is there, but too often I try to control my own day.

Ha, who am I kidding.  I mean, I try, but usually it spins out of control instead. 

And then I find myself fighting a losing battle with my own hands.  When I should be calling on Him as my only defense.

 

Where sin runs deep, your grace is more

Where grace is found, is where you are

Where you are, Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me.

 

I can beat myself up about my failures, my mistakes, my attitude or I can choose to run to Him and live in his grace.  Every day is new.  Every day I get a chance to start over. Because He's always waiting for me.

 

Our summer isn't any different than other busy seasons of life. It's not any different than other families with vacations and kids out of school, and new routines, or the lack thereof.

But it's been a reminder to me that sometimes life and kids and homes and work are just too much for me to take care of alone.

I need Him. And I get to proud and too confident, and too busy, that I forget that sometimes.

I get so consumed with how frustrated I am that my one year old is taking me back into that oh-so-exhausting-stage that I remember being drained by with the other kiddos as well.

I get selfish with my time and my own agenda.  I forget to ask for help and I forget to ask for the One who created me to change me when I need changed.

 

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

Matthew 11:28

 

I'm thankful He is always a loving and faithful and patient teacher.

 

 

Whew, now that I got all of that out, hopefully I'll get around to sharing our cruise pictures soon!