finding the farmhouse {the back story}

August 25th was the last day we had internet.   42 days ago.

I'd like to say it was amazingly refreshing.  BUT, it was more of a huge headache. And technically we never really left the internet, thanks to our phones.  We just get to pay out the wazoo for our data overage.

So now that I'm back, I figured it was a good time to start at the beginning. 

We moved.  

Most of you know that.

I wrote a post on moving day back in August. It was a hard chapter to close and while we haven't missed our old home at all like I thought we would...we have missed the closeness of friends out our backdoor. 

 But I told you then that I'd tell you the story about how all of this came to be....so I will.

We have been dreaming up our little spot in the country for years now.  We both grew up in town, so I'm not sure where this idea of the country came from.  Maybe it was the influence of  Tim...

"I'm gonna live where the green grass grows, watch my corn pop up in rows...

point our rocking chairs to the west...

plant our dreams where the peaceful river flows..."

Unless my hubby changes careers - it won't be OUR corn, but we've got it all around us.

And we don't have a river by us....but the kids do like to drive the golf cart to the yucky pond.

or the Dixie Chicks whom I loved for so many years, with this song on repeat...

"cowboy take me away...fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue...

I want to walk, not run, I want to look at the horizon and not see a building standing tall..

I want to be the only one for miles and miles, except for maybe you, and your simple smile...

oh it sounds good to me...cowboy take me away..."

 If a cowboy has to wear a hat and have cows or horses, then Dave is definitely not one. But he did take me away...to our own space, with a wide open sky...and I love his simple smile.

But for as long as we've known each other, we've had a dream of being in the country one day.

 

At one point we talked about not posting to social media about our move or anything about the house really.  Not because we wanted to be sneaky or keep our friends from knowing, obviously our close friends would know anyway. But because we didn't want to come across boastful and just didn't want to make a big deal of it. 

So I have been slow and hesitant to tell this story and have prayed that not a single boastful tone will be heard from my mouth...except that which boasts of the One who gives us all things.

Because here's the deal, when you realize what a MAGNIFICENT gift you've been given.  And you realize that it's only by God's grace this dream of ours is coming true...it's okay to be boastful about that.  Because this is God's story.  Not ours.  He showed us in huge ways that this was his plan, and we just had to wait for his timing.

We prayed and prayed for this.  And we waited and waited.  We pursued other things and doors were shut.  We got frustrated.  We got angry.  We got so disappointed and even shed tears. About 4 years ago, I'll be completely honest and tell you that we watched friend after friend sell their houses easily (by owner)  and move to the country or into new homes.  I had a major self-pity party that was embarrassing.   What were we doing wrong that it wasn't working for us?  We selfishly didn't understand why our plans weren't working out.  But I also remember that struggle and the lessons God taught me and it was ultimately a time that I was able to draw near to him and learn more about his character, a major refining time in my life.

We knew our kids would attend school east of Newton, so obviously it would be fabulous to move in that direction.  But we fell in love with something west of Newton, only a 5 minute drive to the bus-stop.  But we couldn't sell our house and we lost it.  Our hearts were shattered.

We then found something east! It fell through faster than we could even think.  The emotions spiraled again.

We struggled to find anything east after that.  It seemed kind of hopeless.  Our attention then turned toward the original Balzer homestead (empty for over 50 years) that was north of town.  The absolute last direction we would have chosen to go, but maybe this was our only hope to be in the country. And it was still just a 5 minute drive to a different bus stop. It was far, we'd start from the ground up and build...but there was some excitement in thinking about bringing life back to the original homestead.  This was where our attention has been for the last few years.  A process that seemed very slow. 

Were our feet dragging, were their feet dragging?  

Let's drive out there again and time it, let's see how it feels.

Would we like it that far out?  

What if we built a house and didn't end up liking it there?  

But this seems to be the most available option.

If we give up on this, we may be in town forever.

These were all things that were on our minds over and over again.

In the end, after being what we felt was ALL-in for awhile...we began to walk away. 

Honestly - the entire time kind of felt like a rollercoaster.  Ask our friends.  One month things seemed to be close to being finalized, the next we were far from it.

We wondered if this was the right decision. 

Something seemed to be holding us up.  But yet part of us also felt like if we really wanted to be in the country...this is probably our only option. We asked God to open or close the door.

We were nearing a deadline in which we had been asked to make our decision by.  We began to feel like walking away was the right answer.  But our hearts hurt over that.

And then, at the most perfect moment...a friend told us about a property...east of town.  Not on the market yet.

In mid-May we sent an email asking to come see a property.

May 30 we saw it.

2 days later we negotiated.

And 6 days later we signed a contract.

And the next day was our deadline to tell the family our decision on the family land.

47 days after that we closed on a property that fit everything we ever wanted.

June 2, 2015, it was like I heard God whisper to me...

"I had this all along for you.  I just needed you to wait, and trust me and allow me to do my work and stop trying to do it all yourself.  You know that I love to give my good gifts to you.  I am the Master Gift Giver, and you must remember that I know how to give these gifts in the best packaging and at the perfect moments. Everything you thought was good, I knew I had better. I had all the details worked out already, I just needed you to let me work my good plan. Not because you deserve it,  but because I love you."

Every little detail seemed to keep falling in place.  Much different than all of our other pursuits in the past.    And you know what, after some of my emotions and thoughts over the last 4 years, it is super humbling to watch him still give a gift like this..  I am so thankful that his blessings are not because of our behavior. They are just because He is good.  It has nothing to do with me.  Not attitude, not behavior, not even hard work.  It's Him.

So, the day we closed on our new home...we decided to share the story with others.  We want God to get all the credit.   

Our sweet friends stopped by to help us celebrate on closing day with smores!

And one of the most fun parts of all of this...I had a very personal prayer, that involved some very deep and personal emotions regarding building a new home from the ground up.  Of course I have the perfect hubby who could make that happen.  And of course there is something exciting about that process.  But there were some things that were also causing me to feel super overwhelmed about it.  And even some things that were causing me to lose joy over it.  What a horrible process that would be if I was feeling that way before we even started.  I wasn't sure what to pray about that situation, but God heard my confused emotions and He knew my struggle.  And guess what...he answered it with a home that we didn't have to build.  And the minute I walked into it, I was excited and giddy and my mind started racing with all the things I'd do to change it to make it ours and suit our family.

It was an answer to prayer that I didn't even know to ask for.

In the end we couldn't have dreamed up a better place.  It seems to be the most perfect location for us.  We now drive the kids 5 minutes to the front of the school building.  

It's everything we always dreamed of and thought we'd never actually find.

It's better than all the other things that fell through.  And God's shown us in so many different ways that this timing was far better than anything in the past.  

(example 1: God knows there's NO way I could have worked day in and day out for over a month, getting the house ready with a 1 or 2 year old running around. So much more would have fallen on Dave's shoulders. But this timing meant I had the energy I didn't have before, I had kids that could run and play and explore the farm while we both worked our tails off, refereeing from time to time.)

 Many verses kept popping into my head as we celebrated

.  But one kept coming back to me over and over and stuck as a reminder of this entire story...

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us."

and from the Message...

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!"

  

May this just be one example of this truth in our lifetime...

whether our dreams involve waiting for babies, waiting for that perfect someone, waiting for that big break, that healing cure, or a home in the country...

It's a reminder that His ways, His timing, His goodness, His gifts...

will far exceed our own, every single time.

  

closing a chapter.

So, I'm a processor.  And when big things happen in life, my mind is constantly processing.  

I can be super sentimental and I need good closure on things in order to keep myself from major meltdowns, which may or may not come anyway.  So I had to stop and sit down and write.

I had to do everything my heart needed to do or I knew I'd regret it.

So I put on Amy Grant's "If These Walls Could Speak" and sat among boxes at 3am just staring at this home.

That song was a special song of my Pi Phi days in college.  One I've probably heard twice in the last 10 years, but those lyrics just came to me today and they stuck.  And I had to listen. My heart had to say goodbye to these walls before all the busyness of moving day tomorrow.

So yeah, we are moving.  You may know that already. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you've seen what's been going on for the last month.  There's such an awesome story behind it all. And I want to tell it to you sometime.  A total God-story.  Something we've been waiting and wishing for for so long.  But that story has to wait.

Today is MOVING DAY!

Which means some really hard emotions too, that will more than likely be masked with the busyness and chaos of having friends show up to help us move. 

They aren't the hard emotions people have when they are moving far away, we are only moving 10 minutes away. We don't really have to say goodbye to anyone.  And it's not like I didn't know this day would come at some point.  We were pretty sure we wouldn't live in this house forever.   But change is hard.  Closing chapters of life can be so hard...especially when they were such a good chapter.  I'm not too much of a fictional reader, but it really is kind of like reading an awesome book, getting to the end and not wanting it to be over.  You know there's a sequel, so you know things go on.  But closing the back of that book is just no fun.  

That's how I feel.  What's ahead is so exciting and so much fun for us, and completely our dream.  But along with it means closing the back of the book and ending a really really good part of our lives.  

There's 2 parts to the story.  

Part 1 goes like this:

This is the house we moved to a year and a half after we were married.

Our first home purchase.

It's the house we really truly learned how to be husband and wife. (who are we kidding, still learning that one!)

It's the house we brought all 3 of our babies home from the hospital.

Where they spoke their first words and had their first Christmases.

It's the house our babies learned to walk in and then learned to ride their bikes in the driveway.

And just recently it's the house they took off riding bikes from to Grandma's.

It's the house we had to say goodbye to our beloved chocolate lab, Anni.

It's the house we tried to leave several times before, and God said it just wasn't time.  

The walls of this house could say so much about what it's seen.

Laughter, love, growth, heartbreak, pain, fear and everything in between.

"If these walls could speak.
Of things that they remembered well
Stories and faces dearly held
A couple in love
Livin' week to week
Rooms full of laughter
If these walls could speak

If these old halls
If hallowed halls could talk
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin' down and dinner bell
And children playing at hide and seek
From floor to rafter
If these halls could speak
If these walls could speak

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes
I guess they would have seen it all
Each little tear and sigh and footfall
And every dream that we came to seek
Or followed after
If these walls could speak"

 

This is the place we grew from 2 to 5.

The place where our family began. 

 And as if that weren't enough...

 here's how Part 2 goes:

I got married, moved to Newton, my husband's hometown, knew pretty much no one and began subbing in the school district.

I subbed a handful of times at Slate Creek, and then got hired to teach 3rd grade there.

It was my first year of marriage, no kids, first real job. 

I moved into my 3rd grade classroom and found out that I had the most WONDERFUL neighbor.

Kendall became my 3rd grade teaching partner and my mentor who taught me EVERYTHING about teaching 3rd grade.  That was just the beginning of what was to come of all that I'd be learning from her.

Being classroom neighbors was the best.

I got pregnant, then she got pregnant.
I ran to throw up all the time while I was pregnant, and she always watched my class for me.

They invited us to be part of their small group, couples who went to a completely different church than us, but we were longing for meaningful friendships with other couples our age, and in the same season of life.  We found exactly what we were looking for.

The next year we taught together again.

I got pregnant again, then she got pregnant again.

I promise we never discussed this ahead of time.

Then we decided that instead of being next door to each other, we'd just share a classroom and share the job.

So we babysat each other's kiddo while the other one was working. She hauled the babies to school at noon and we'd switch and I'd take them home.  Job-sharing with her was the best and if it hadn't have been for growing families and the pull to be at home with my babies, I could have done it for years and year and years.

Then, instead of just being classroom neighbors, we became REAL neighbors too.  

I remember the excitement of them moving in.

For the last 4 years they've been our backyard neighbors.  We cut an opening in the fence and made a gate to get back and forth easily.

She got pregnant and then I got pregnant again. 

All 6 of our kids are the same age.  They have become the closest of friends.

Summers have been a child's dream.  Maybe a mom's dream too? 

Eat breakfast, run off with the neighbor kids, come back at lunch. 

After school, they come home, grab a snack and find each other fast.

For us parents...sometimes it's extra extra quiet in the house because everyone is at the other house, and sometimes it's extra extra loud because everyone is at our house...but both were so very very good.

We became classroom neighbors in August of 2005. 

We became real neighbors in April of 2011

That's a total of 10 years, right now this month...of being neighbors of some sort. 

She walked with me through some really hard stuff and celebrated with me during some really exciting stuff.  She definitely saw me at my best and worst.

And today, even though our friendship will continue, we close that chapter and begin a new. 

I've been so busy and distracted by the work at our new farmhouse and packing up my other house, that I haven't slowed down to process much.  But today the tears came.  She came over

with muffins and coffee in hand and helped me pack up my house and we hugged and cried.  I knew I would at some point, it was all just hiding in there for awhile.

Not many people get the opportunity to live life with close friends like this.

And to be honest, I was nervous at first to have such good friends right by us.  She'd see my mess, she'd hear me yell, she'd wonder why I'm such a homebody, she'd see that we don't eat dinner on time like they do, she'd get annoyed of my kids and see how naughty they can be.  But you know what...having someone know you like that, there's a sense of freedom to that.  

I could never list all the things I loved about being neighbors.  The memories I will take are so very very precious to me. 

It was so so so good.  And while we are moving on to a dream that we've had for so long, and we know that God's hand has been in every detail, we are sad.  We are leaving a wonderful neighborhood, the neighborhood Dave grew up in.  Grandma and Grandpa are here too, just a 2 minute bike ride away for the kids.  And other friends in front of us, beside us and all around.  God put us in a very very special place for the last 9 years.  We are so grateful for the life we built here, the memories we've made and the friendships that have grown. 

It's all bittersweet.  This is the bitter part.  But I know the sweet part is to come.  My heart just has to process this part first.

I hope I can keep up with life enough to share a lot of the next chapter with you.  IF I will ever have internet again that is.  You'd think I was moving to Antarctica with the choices of internet service.

Geesh!

So here I am. With all kinds of roller coaster emotions... closing this chapter and opening the next.