honesty and adjustments

Not too much to blog about here.
Although there are some new things going on at our house.
So I'll just share those - since that's what I'm thinking so much about lately.

Get ready for some major honesty.
Maybe a glimpse of why I will never be given a "mom-of-the-year" award.
But that's okay.
It's sometimes easier allowing ourselves to be exposed than to always try to appear like we have it all together.

Is it possible for some moms to naturally be great stay-at-home moms?
I'm sure it's possible. I think I know some of them.
But oh man, it is NOT natural for me. And many times I just don't feel like I'm very good at it.
But yet I KNOW that God can and WILL transform me into whatever He desires of me, if I'm willing to allow him to.
I've been so drained for awhile (although that has been changing lately!) So tired of A LOT of things.
But mostly tired of my own discontentment and feeling like I'm failing.
Dave and I were getting stressed, worn out, losing patience.
We weren't embracing or enjoying our job as parents like we know we should have been.
We had gotten just plain lazy and unmotivated.
See, told you....honesty.

We were in NEED of change.

Maybe you read this post a few weeks ago - I thought I'd put that new energy and motivation that I've found (that has been absent for awhile) to good use.

It all began with us realizing we were NOT being intentional with our time. Many days I just struggle to balance everything. I rarely would have a day that I just felt successful and productive. I struggled (and still do) to balance everything...being a good wife, being a good mom, spending time with my kids, but still trying to keep up with our house, and trying to contribute financially, and trying to find ENERGY for it all. I was LONGING for some sort of balance and contentment when the day was done.

And although I know that my ultimate contentment will come only from God. I also know that he wants me to make the most of all the gifts he has given me....time, money, my children. And when we are good stewards with these things, he will bless us.

I've wanted to make changes for a LONG time. I remember in January 2009, one of the things I wanted to do was get myself on a chore schedule and even somewhat get my kiddos on a daily schedule too. As a teacher, I was used to a daily schedule. I knew what I needed to do each day.

(cute pictures to break up all my ramblings)

At 8:00 was bellwork, at 8:30 was math, 9:15 writing, 12:05 lunch, etc.

You wouldn't think being at home with 2 kids would require such a schedule - but yet, I wondered what it would be like if we did. I wondered what it would be like if I didn't have to try to figure out what we were going to do (because honestly, I'm just not good at that). I wanted a schedule that we all just knew, and didn't really have to think about. Not something I would reinforce to a 'T' but something to guide us - to make our time more intentional. And really, I guess something to discipline ME.

BEING INTENTIONAL. I have failed there. I have not spent the quality time with my kids that I know I should. I'm home with them all day - but our time has not been intentional. Some days are better than others, but all in all, I have really struggled with feeling like I'm doing the job that I know God wants me to do in my home.

So I knew I needed some structure and discipline to get me on the right track. And I thought that a daily schedule would help.

But at the same time, I thought "oh that's just dumb, who needs that? A GOOD mom doesn't need that!"
So it never got made.

Don't get me wrong - our kids have a schedule, and always have. Breakfast when we get up, lunch around the same time, nap around the same time, bedtime around the same time.

But what we were struggling with is all the time in between.

The time that really counts.
The time that's really easy to be selfish with.
The time that's easy to be unproductive with.

Another thing that had gotten really stressful lately is bedtime.

2 kids, not wanting to go to bed, one coming in and out of her room 10 times, the other screaming bloody murder and not quitting no matter WHAT we did, thus keeping the other one awake and frustrated.

We were dreading bedtime every night.

And I know we weren't helping the situation in anyway. We'd play, play, play and then tell them they had 2 more minutes before bed - which NEVER went over well, and then began the dreaded routine.

We were in NEED of change.

Something else really gave me the boost I needed to get going too.

Our community life group had "guest" speakers last week. We had a time of asking questions, listening and learning from an older married couple. A Godly couple who has rasied 5 children, experienced many years of marriage and has just lived life way beyond what we have. I learned a lot that night. But something that stuck was hearing about life as a "stay-at-home-mom" and about being intentional with the time at home, having routines. The mom speaking to us was able to recall exactly how they spent their days at home - she rattled back their time, activities and routine like she just did it yesterday. That stuck with me.

Many times I can't even tell Dave what we did THAT day.
We were SO in need of change.

I'm taking charge. I realize our time is precious, and my prayer is that I can make our time together more intentional. I can't live with regrets. I can't go on continuing to WISH I could be a better mom - I need to take action and allow God to work in me to mold me into the mom he wants me to be, and the mom my kids deserve.

So I typed out our typical daily schedule. As silly and simple as that may sound.
Our TV time is limited, and at a certain time each day (aka: we were watching too much)
I know when I'll work
I know when I'll play

I know when I'll require the kids to play alone.
I know when book time is.

I know when play/craft time is.
I know which days I'll try to work during naptime,
and which days I'll take a nap myself.
I know what chore(s) I will conquer each day.

They are divided up so I know that I only need to get what's assigned to that day done - ONLY.
Hopefully that will eliminate those overwhelming feelings when my house gets completely out of control.
I have a list of weekly tasks that are divided out into the days.

For example, Mondays - clean our bathroom, Tuesday - wash our laundry, Wednesday - vacuum upstairs carpets, etc.

I have a list of monthly tasks, semi-annual tasks and annual tasks (I'm not sure how much these will help me, but I used some good resources I found online and these were included so I just included them in my stuff too - we'll see how it goes) They'll be divided out so that once a week or so, I'll be conquering one of these bigger tasks. No more ALL-WEEKEND cleaning house - hopefully!

I'm not planning to be crazy-psycho about following our schedule. But I do realize that I need a guide and something to hold me accountable for awhile. Maybe we won't always need it. But maybe I'll find that we are all much happier with it. So it's trial for now. I'm open to changes and flexibilty.

And my favorite part of our new routine - BEDTIME!
I picked up a great idea from one our past Mom2Mom meetings at our church.

An experienced mom was sharing about their family life, routines, etc. And I loved this...

WASH, WASH, BRUSH, BRUSH, FLUSH
(wash your hands, wash your face, brush your teeth, brush your hair and go to the bathroom) I realize not all of those are that neccessary for a 2 and 3 year old - but they are good habits regardless, so we're going with them!

Our kids love it! And so do we. It's the same every night.
They are learning responsibility.

Then they each pick a book, we read together and then into bed for more reading (for Taylor), prayers, songs and lights out. We had a routine before, but it was fairly sporadic - and many times went along with whatever mood Mom and Dad were in that night.

So how's it going?

2 weeks ago - Mason was bringing us both to our wits end at bedtime. Almost tears.
Tonight is night #5 of a 180 turnaround from him!
We are SO thankful and SO relieved!

The daily schedule has pretty much fully been implemented. And already we are experiencing some of the best days we've had in a LONG time! Everyone seems happier and I THINK I am dealing with less negative behavior (although it may be too soon to know that for sure).

I feel better about myself.
I feel like a better mom.

For some of you this probably seems very elementary and basic.
Maybe routine and good time management just comes easy to you.
Maybe you're not as lazy as I can tend to be. (see, honesty)
Maybe the play-do, and books and board games and crafts and playtime all just comes easy to you.
Maybe you can send me some of your "mom" skills.

But in 25 years if I sit in front of a group of young parents to share some of my experiences - I want to speak about my time with my kids with no regrets, I want to know we used our time wisely and preciously, I want to know that I had QUALITY time with my kids that was set aside for just them. I want to know that I did the best job that I know I could do - because the job of being Mom and Dad is the most precious job title we could ever be given.

So there you have it...honesty.

And maybe because I shared this HERE - I will feel even more accoutantable with our new routines!