going back home

I almost got so distracted today I didn't even realize the date.  

I began the morning with coffee and muffins and a playdate and then put Gavin down for a nap.

And then it hit like it does every year.  As I scrolled through Facebook and saw the pictures of flags, and police and fireman, and the shadow of the towers, and read memories, I was surprised as always that emotions came back so vividly.  Even for me, someone who was half a country away, watching on TV like most of the rest of the world.

Something that struck me the hardest was reading some of the memories that people are posting on the Walnut Valley Festival Facebook page.  A music festival I have known virtually my entire life.

In 2001, the attacks on the towers happened the week of the festival.

And even Winfield was changed that year.  And will forever be part of my memories.

These were a recollection of memories posted by someone, and they were some of my biggest memories of that week as well...

*There was talk that it would be cancelled, that so many people in one place was a too easy a target. There was a feeling that it would be inappropriate, gathering at a place of joy in the middle of so much sorry. There was guilt in believing that we all needed to be watching, and that to walk away from the broadcast flickers was to turn our backs on the loss.

*The people working the gates said no entertainers had cancelled. But we knew that couldn’t be. Nickel Creek got stuck in Alaska. Tommy Emmanuel somewhere in South Africa. Others in places I can’t remember.

*At night, we’d sit and look at the sky, empty of the red flashing lights every Midwestern kid grows up with.

*Every act talked and sang about what had happened, working to sort it all out. But we knew it’d be John McCutcheon who would somehow touch the jangled nerve we all felt.

John and his road manager had been stranded in North Caroline, if I’m remembering right. With no flights, they drove. “Winfield needs us, McCutcheon said he’d told his manager. “No, John,” the manager answered. “We need Winfield.” We all did.

At the end of his set, John talked over simple strummed chords. “We don’t know why it happened. We don’t what will happen next. But we do know that in this place, and this country, and this planet, every one of us needs each other. And that the only way we have ever overcome any adversity has been through caring for each other."

As the chords and words changed to song, a few people scattered throughout the crowd stood, then more, until we were all standing, all holding neighbors’ hands raising them in the air…

“This land is your land, this land is my land…”

On the day of September 11, I was only 2 and a half hours from home, (in my sophomore year at K-State) but I had never felt so far away.  I know that the rest of the country shared in these feelings as well.  Winfield was home, and I longed for it more than ever.  If I could have packed up and left immediately I would have.  But I waited and headed home 2 days later.  For Bluegrass.
Going back home that year felt different than ever before.

I grew up loving and singing the songs of John McCutcheon.  So sitting there at his set on the night this person referred to, was nothing short of feeling like I was "home".  So many of his stories and songs always struck my heart strings, and on this year, even more so.  He stood on Stage 1, with the largest crowd I've ever seen in those grandstands, and he said all the things we were all feeling.   He sang a new verse to an old song...

 
"There's a hole in our skyline, there's a hole in our town, there's a hole in our hearts, the whole world around.
How do we heal, tell me how do we see, the mercy that shines in you and me...
We follow the Light."

And he sang an old song that took on a whole new meaning.

"Hallelujah, the great storm is over"

I remember singing along with tears in my eyes and everyone around me doing the same.  And I will never forget  the little elderly woman in the center of the grandstands who stood and waved a flag. Not one of those teeny hand-held flags, but a huge one, taller than she, on a big pole. One she barely even had enough strength to hold up.  This image is burned into my memory forever. 

The image of beauty from ashes.  Of hope restored.   Of a nation standing tall and strong.

This all seems like sooooo long ago and yet feels like yesterday as well.

And here we are, it's almost the 3rd weekend of September, 14 years later, and we are anxiously waiting to head back to Winfield. 

Some may wonder why the festival is such a big deal to us.  Why we pull our kids out of school for half a week, why we fight lines and mud and rain and one year even a hubby with pneumonia.

It's for SO many reasons. 

This festival is home for me.  And it's one of the only glimpses of home that I still get. 

Nearly 30 of my birthdays have been spent at the festival.  It falls during the festival almost every year.

I was there while pregnant with all 3 of our babies (I just didn't camp the years I was 7 and 8 months pregnant).  The first September of each of our babies' lives they were in Winfield. I took Dave the first year we were dating, and he fell in love instantly.   This will be our 12th straight year there together.  How completely awesome it is to have a family who has grown to love this place just like I do.

In 2001, I think I came to realize how special home can be.  And my heart aches for all those who's homes were torn into pieces that day.  

Going home that year, and heading to the festival had never felt so good.  It's always so nice to go home.  And since my parents have moved on from Winfield, the festival is really the only thing that brings me back there still. 

So today, I'm praying for those affected by the attacks on September 11.  I'm thanking God for his restoration. For the hope for a future that can only be found in Him.

 And I'm counting down the days we get to go back "home" to Winfield.

 (and because I have no internet and it took forever and a day to upload this one picture using my phone as a hotspot, this is the only picture you get.  But definitely an appropriate one for today)

closing a chapter.

So, I'm a processor.  And when big things happen in life, my mind is constantly processing.  

I can be super sentimental and I need good closure on things in order to keep myself from major meltdowns, which may or may not come anyway.  So I had to stop and sit down and write.

I had to do everything my heart needed to do or I knew I'd regret it.

So I put on Amy Grant's "If These Walls Could Speak" and sat among boxes at 3am just staring at this home.

That song was a special song of my Pi Phi days in college.  One I've probably heard twice in the last 10 years, but those lyrics just came to me today and they stuck.  And I had to listen. My heart had to say goodbye to these walls before all the busyness of moving day tomorrow.

So yeah, we are moving.  You may know that already. If you follow me on Instagram or Facebook you've seen what's been going on for the last month.  There's such an awesome story behind it all. And I want to tell it to you sometime.  A total God-story.  Something we've been waiting and wishing for for so long.  But that story has to wait.

Today is MOVING DAY!

Which means some really hard emotions too, that will more than likely be masked with the busyness and chaos of having friends show up to help us move. 

They aren't the hard emotions people have when they are moving far away, we are only moving 10 minutes away. We don't really have to say goodbye to anyone.  And it's not like I didn't know this day would come at some point.  We were pretty sure we wouldn't live in this house forever.   But change is hard.  Closing chapters of life can be so hard...especially when they were such a good chapter.  I'm not too much of a fictional reader, but it really is kind of like reading an awesome book, getting to the end and not wanting it to be over.  You know there's a sequel, so you know things go on.  But closing the back of that book is just no fun.  

That's how I feel.  What's ahead is so exciting and so much fun for us, and completely our dream.  But along with it means closing the back of the book and ending a really really good part of our lives.  

There's 2 parts to the story.  

Part 1 goes like this:

This is the house we moved to a year and a half after we were married.

Our first home purchase.

It's the house we really truly learned how to be husband and wife. (who are we kidding, still learning that one!)

It's the house we brought all 3 of our babies home from the hospital.

Where they spoke their first words and had their first Christmases.

It's the house our babies learned to walk in and then learned to ride their bikes in the driveway.

And just recently it's the house they took off riding bikes from to Grandma's.

It's the house we had to say goodbye to our beloved chocolate lab, Anni.

It's the house we tried to leave several times before, and God said it just wasn't time.  

The walls of this house could say so much about what it's seen.

Laughter, love, growth, heartbreak, pain, fear and everything in between.

"If these walls could speak.
Of things that they remembered well
Stories and faces dearly held
A couple in love
Livin' week to week
Rooms full of laughter
If these walls could speak

If these old halls
If hallowed halls could talk
These would have a tale to tell
Of sun goin' down and dinner bell
And children playing at hide and seek
From floor to rafter
If these halls could speak
If these walls could speak

If these old fashioned window panes were eyes
I guess they would have seen it all
Each little tear and sigh and footfall
And every dream that we came to seek
Or followed after
If these walls could speak"

 

This is the place we grew from 2 to 5.

The place where our family began. 

 And as if that weren't enough...

 here's how Part 2 goes:

I got married, moved to Newton, my husband's hometown, knew pretty much no one and began subbing in the school district.

I subbed a handful of times at Slate Creek, and then got hired to teach 3rd grade there.

It was my first year of marriage, no kids, first real job. 

I moved into my 3rd grade classroom and found out that I had the most WONDERFUL neighbor.

Kendall became my 3rd grade teaching partner and my mentor who taught me EVERYTHING about teaching 3rd grade.  That was just the beginning of what was to come of all that I'd be learning from her.

Being classroom neighbors was the best.

I got pregnant, then she got pregnant.
I ran to throw up all the time while I was pregnant, and she always watched my class for me.

They invited us to be part of their small group, couples who went to a completely different church than us, but we were longing for meaningful friendships with other couples our age, and in the same season of life.  We found exactly what we were looking for.

The next year we taught together again.

I got pregnant again, then she got pregnant again.

I promise we never discussed this ahead of time.

Then we decided that instead of being next door to each other, we'd just share a classroom and share the job.

So we babysat each other's kiddo while the other one was working. She hauled the babies to school at noon and we'd switch and I'd take them home.  Job-sharing with her was the best and if it hadn't have been for growing families and the pull to be at home with my babies, I could have done it for years and year and years.

Then, instead of just being classroom neighbors, we became REAL neighbors too.  

I remember the excitement of them moving in.

For the last 4 years they've been our backyard neighbors.  We cut an opening in the fence and made a gate to get back and forth easily.

She got pregnant and then I got pregnant again. 

All 6 of our kids are the same age.  They have become the closest of friends.

Summers have been a child's dream.  Maybe a mom's dream too? 

Eat breakfast, run off with the neighbor kids, come back at lunch. 

After school, they come home, grab a snack and find each other fast.

For us parents...sometimes it's extra extra quiet in the house because everyone is at the other house, and sometimes it's extra extra loud because everyone is at our house...but both were so very very good.

We became classroom neighbors in August of 2005. 

We became real neighbors in April of 2011

That's a total of 10 years, right now this month...of being neighbors of some sort. 

She walked with me through some really hard stuff and celebrated with me during some really exciting stuff.  She definitely saw me at my best and worst.

And today, even though our friendship will continue, we close that chapter and begin a new. 

I've been so busy and distracted by the work at our new farmhouse and packing up my other house, that I haven't slowed down to process much.  But today the tears came.  She came over

with muffins and coffee in hand and helped me pack up my house and we hugged and cried.  I knew I would at some point, it was all just hiding in there for awhile.

Not many people get the opportunity to live life with close friends like this.

And to be honest, I was nervous at first to have such good friends right by us.  She'd see my mess, she'd hear me yell, she'd wonder why I'm such a homebody, she'd see that we don't eat dinner on time like they do, she'd get annoyed of my kids and see how naughty they can be.  But you know what...having someone know you like that, there's a sense of freedom to that.  

I could never list all the things I loved about being neighbors.  The memories I will take are so very very precious to me. 

It was so so so good.  And while we are moving on to a dream that we've had for so long, and we know that God's hand has been in every detail, we are sad.  We are leaving a wonderful neighborhood, the neighborhood Dave grew up in.  Grandma and Grandpa are here too, just a 2 minute bike ride away for the kids.  And other friends in front of us, beside us and all around.  God put us in a very very special place for the last 9 years.  We are so grateful for the life we built here, the memories we've made and the friendships that have grown. 

It's all bittersweet.  This is the bitter part.  But I know the sweet part is to come.  My heart just has to process this part first.

I hope I can keep up with life enough to share a lot of the next chapter with you.  IF I will ever have internet again that is.  You'd think I was moving to Antarctica with the choices of internet service.

Geesh!

So here I am. With all kinds of roller coaster emotions... closing this chapter and opening the next.

my thoughts on Stitch Fix

So about a  year ago I decided to try Stitch Fix after I knew my sister was loving it.   And I'm seeing more and more people lately try it out too!  I've had a few friends ask me my thoughts lately so I decided I'd just share here too.

I've heard a little of everything...it's too expensive, I love it, I keep everything, I only keep one thing, it's not my style, they hit my style right on, nothing ever fits, etc, etc.

Just in case you don't know what Stitch Fix is...

It's basically an online service, a personal stylist/shopper who picks out 5 things for you based on a pretty detailed style survey you fill out, and mails you clothes.  SERIOUSLY - whoever came up with this is amazing. Unless you like to go out shopping -  then you may not care for someone to do it for you. 

You pay an up front $20 for this to happen. You have 3 days to try it on, decide if you like it, figure out what you're keeping and what you're sending back.  When you're ready to "check-out"  you sign-in online, tell them your thoughts, mark the things you're keeping and pay for it.  The intial $20 goes towards anything you're purchasing.  But if you keep nothing, then that $20 is wasted.  Anything you aren't keeping, you package up in the pre-paid package they send and just drop it off at the post office.  It is SO easy.  And they send an email reminding you to "check-out".  I always need that.  You can keep nothing, 1 thing, a few, or all!  If you keep all 5 items, you get an extra discount on everything.  But I've never kept everything. 

When you fill out your survey you can tell them whether you want just clothes, jewelry, bags, scarves, etc.  You can schedule fixes as often as you want.  You can schedule them to come automatically, like once a month, or every other month.  Or you can just get on an schedule it when you want it...even if you did it twice a year.

So...here are my thoughts...

 Fix #1 - they didn't really hit my style very well, it was a little too classy and professional for me. I did keep one thing.  So I adjusted my survey, gave them the link to my style pinterest board and tried again.  I noticed things were more expensive than what I tend to pay for my clothes on a regular basis.  So I made sure to mark the CHEAPEST option when I did the review of everything when I checked-out. 

Fix #2 - ON THE SPOT!  I loved it! And I was basically hooked.  Prices came down a little bit but I'm learning that the average priced piece that I tend to get is probably $50??  I'm not okay paying for a simple little basic tshirt for that much, but I'm okay paying that for an awesome boutique looking, trendy, more unique piece.  Something I know I'd have a hard time finding somewhere else in my go-to shopping stores.  I am loving this cute little chambray dress!   Sorry I don't have a better picture of it.  And it's wrinkled because it had been in a suitcase and I don't iron.

In some of my latest fixes I was able to tell them I had a wedding in Cabo and a business event and I'd love something that worked for those.   And they sent the perfect items.  I loved a floral top they sent me last fall so I asked for a floral top for spring/summer - and it's now my favorite top in the whole wide world.  (this isn't me - I just found these on pinterest)

And every item comes with a card that shows you how to style it! 

Here's the deal...if you are a really good bargain shopper and you hit the stores quite often to catch things on sale and keep your eye on things...Stitch Fix may not be for you. You'd probably think you could do so much better price wise.  But I am a homebody.  When I finally do go shopping it's 1-2 times a year and I spend A LOT in one day to get it all done.  I definitely TRY to bargain shop...but when I know I won't be back for months, sometimes I just have to get what I'm needing or looking for right then, even if it's not on sale.

While the prices are higher than I sometimes would spend, I realize I'm also paying for the service.  And I'm not paying gas to Wichita.  And spending a whole day, with my kids in tow who climb underneath the dressing room wall to spy on the poor lady undressing next to mine.  Now that has some value people. 

And it's name serves a purpose.  It's just that...a fix.  Just when I'm feeling blah with my wardrobe, scheduling a shipment and keeping just 1-2 things makes my wardrobe feel fresh again.  Sometimes just one new thing can make getting dressed fun again.  And if that saves me a trip to the city in which I throw way too many items in my cart...it's worth it. 

I don't automatically schedule mine.  In fact it's been probably 3-4 months since my last one.  Heck, it's summer...all I wear is work out shorts and tanks.

But I love that when I'm ready, when the budget allows it, I can schedule one easily.

So it's perfect for me.  And I love that I can do it as little or often as I want.  If you want to try it...here's the link.  If you use this link I get a discount!  So THANK YOU mucho! 

If you try it - I highly encourage you to do a few fixes before you give up.  It took a few times for my stylist to really hit my style and size.  When you check out - give as much feedback as possible!

Have fun!

a little more Cabo

My title is a lie.  This may be considered a lot more Cabo.

We decided since it was our honeymoon spot it was the perfect place to celebrate our 10th anniversary.

So after Adam and Jenny's wedding we moved closer to town for a change of scenery.  Even though Cabo Surf was incredibly beautiful and no change was really needed.  

Mostly we wanted to be closer to lots of food.

We checked into our resort for a few more days just the two of us. 

 

 The first day we took a boat taxi to Lovers Beach.  A place we had spent an afternoon on our honeymoon too.  

 You know how I could tell my husband is 10 years older?  Because on our honeymoon he was in the waves, being tossed around like he was in a washing machine and he loved it.  He pretty much almost died like 15 times.  That would have been lovely for a honeymoon.

This time.  He just watched the waves.

We wrote our last name in the sand on our honeymoon and I came home and had it printed as a mousepad. 

Wow. A mousepad. 

So we decided to do it again.  +10. 

But I won't make it into a mousepad this time.

 Another day we took the Pez Gato snorkeling tour, which was a total blast!

 And I actually snorkeled this time. I tried on my honeymoon and felt like I was hyperventilating and going to suffucate.  Dave has snorkeled several other times on some of our cruises, but I always sit it out.  I was glad I tried again.  I was still totally freaked out and it took me a long time to slow down my breathing and relax a little.  But I made it.  And Dave said it was one of the best places he had snorkeled, so I guess I chose a good place to try again.

 This was my favorite night and favorite meal. TripAdvisor listed Misiones De Kino as #4 in all of Cabo.  I picked it because it had seafood and Italian in one spot to make us both happy. 

It was off the beaten path, so we had a little bike taxi guy take us there. 

It was heaven. It was empty, late, dark, romantic, it glowed with twinkling lights.  It was pretty much outdoors with just a hut roof covering parts.

The food was amazing, I tried octopus for the first time, and we were serenaded with "Wonderful Tonight".

It was definitely wonderful.

 It was the best food vacation EVER.  Cabo has some amazing food.  We had heard this, which is why we didn't end up going with an all-inclusive resort.  And it was SUCH a smart choice.

 This was The Office.  Such a fun place to eat.  We did breakfast there.  We heard lunch and dinner there can get a little crazier...as in spring-break crazy.  With a large mexican man named Rambo who comes around and pours tequila in your mouth straight from the bottle.  So if you like tequila and mexican men named Rambo, you will love it.

We got these masks for the boys from one of the local sellers on the beach.  Best souvenirs ever...they are used almost daily. 

 Somehow the fact that we were celebrating our 10th anniversary got lost in translation and we were all of a sudden celebrating our 3th. 

No big deal.  Dessert is dessert.

 So far, best vacation ever.  It even beat our honeymoon.

SO thankful we could get away, and celebrate such a dear friend, and then celebrate us too.
Crazy to believe we've already done 10 years together.