one of the hardest things

I've had this post stirring in my head for awhile, slowly been getting it out of my head and into written words. Sometimes that is so much harder than it seems.  But yet, when I do, it all means even more to me, it sticks, and I usually come out with more understanding of my own thoughts than when they were just thoughts in my head.  I contribute that to the work that God is doing in me.

I have spent most of January trying to create my plan of action to really try to make 2011 a year that is different and better than 2010.  My top priority has been getting back into God's Word.  I know that if I can master this, the other parts of my life that I'd like to improve on also, will be much easier!  I have definitely skipped this most important step before in my life.  Depending on myself to improve in my roles as a wife, mother and friend.  What pressure! And what an uphill battle that can be.  It's a constant rollercoaster.  Feeling one day successful and the next a complete failure.  Realizing all along that many times it's about the sacrifices I'm willing or not willing to make.

But when it comes to being in God's Word - many times I just get stuck on my feelings of failure in the past when I have tried to be disciplined in my daily quiet time with Him, and have failed miserably. I will be the first to admit that in my past attempts, this part of my day is the first to go out the window when the busyness of life sets in.  It's about the things I have not been willing to sacrifice.

It’s funny how I can convince myself that the main thing I need for survival is not really a daily necessity. See, I always start with the best of intentions - "I'm going to be in God's Word EVERY DAY (or at least most days)".  And I do great for a week, maybe 2. And I can feel it!  I can feel what a difference it makes to draw near to God in my daily life.  And then a day comes that we are gone away from the house all day and a hectic evening leaves me feeling exhausted telling myself there's no sense in reading if I'm going to fall asleep or not comprehend it.  Then another day comes and goes, and another. Over time it happens every other day, then maybe just weekly.. And it just gets worse and worse.  And I feel it!  I can feel what a difference it makes when God is not a part of my daily life.

So I've been trying to really decide on what plan of action I want to take.  And what sacrifices I will make to be successful.  I have so many great friends who make being in God's Word a priority in their lives.  And lately I have heard (and read on multiple blogs) their encouragement to read the Bible through it's entirety. I'm so encouraged by those girls.  But wow.  Something I've never done.  And honestly, something that seems so overwhelming to me.  I have never even attempted this before.  Probably because I am certain I will fail.  I haven't even been able to master the discipline of daily time with God, so how could I actually commit to reading the bible all the way through?

I'm afraid of falling behind, and I don't just mean falling behind by a few chapters.  But what if I fall behind by 20 chapters?  I really don't want to come to the Word feeling guilty, and then my purpose be to just check off boxes.   Or get so far behind I just quit and decide to try again another time.

I read an article awhile back, and I can't remember from where now, but one line has stuck in my mind since then...‘The hardest thing to do is open your Bible."

One thing that has helped me is to just keep my Bible out in the open.  That same article suggested keeping it open on the kitchen counter, so even if you have 2 minutes or 10 minutes, you can stop during the busyness of your day and read.  Having my Bible in the open (like on the dining room table, or the table by the couch) is like an invitation to me every time I see it - to come and spend time with the One who loves me and wants to be my best friend.  If I had a friend pursue me, love me, and want to spend time constantly with me that way, would I turn them down?  Would I leave them sitting there at lunch waiting for me to show up, and never do?  But I've realized that when I don't make the right sacrifices, and don't make God a priority, it is exactly like that - leaving my best friend sitting at lunch, longing to talk with me and know me better, but she is not enough of a priority in my life for me to show up. So she sits and waits.  Because that's what God does - he waits.  He never leaves.  He never gets so sick of my weaknesses that he turns from me.  He continues to pursue me, and continues to meet me for lunch, longing for me to show up and want to know him as badly as he wants to know me.

All of this brings me to share this great Bible reading plan called “Bible Reading Plan for Slackers and Shirkers.”  I'm in love. (thanks Jill!) And I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a shirker or slacker - God knows already anyway!

You can download the plan and get started if you want to. Throughout the year you read the following:

Sunday: The books of poetry

Monday: The Pentateuch

Tuesday: O.T. history

Wednesday: O.T. history (There is a lot of it.)

Thursday: O.T. prophets

Friday: N.T. history

Saturday: N.T. epistles

It's not tied to any date.  You just read according to whatever day of the week it is. Or if you don't want to stick to a plan, just open your Bible on the counter.  Maybe it’s just one verse today. Maybe it’s just one chapter. Go at your own pace with the Lord. He doesn't require a certain pace and will not condemn you, tap his foot impatiently or look down upon you with disappointing eyes.

He wants to spend time with you.  He sits there waiting for you to meet Him.

"Come near to God and he will come near to you..."  James 4:8

My bottom line is that daily quiet time with God and being in his Word is a big struggle for me.  But I know how necessary it is.  And I have a deeper desire and understanding for it's importance more than ever due to life experiences over the last few years.  But no matter how hard it is - I'm going to do the hard thing and open my Bible.  Even if I do shirk and slack my way through it. It's better than giving up.

I'm certain I will fail in my attempts to be in the Word everyday. But I know that each day is a new one. And I can try again and again.

"Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness..."  Lamentations 3:22-25

His grace is the only thing I need.  Thank goodness for that.

God knows you, he knows what you struggle with and he knows where you are at in your life, in this season.

So if opening the Bible is hard for you (for whatever reason), He is pleased with our doing the hard thing.

If you don't have time each day set aside to spend time in God's Word I encourage you to start - we can shirk and slack together.  If you do have a good routine going, I'd love to hear about what you are doing right now or what you've done in the past.  How have you planned your daily time with God and stuck to it?